Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
When money is talking there are usually very few interruptions
You can lead a horse to water, and if he walks on it patent him
Most programmers are educated beyond their intelligence
Family financial axiom :Expenses will always rise to meet income.
What we learn from history is that we don't learn from history
We all like occasional praise, but a hike in our pay is OK too.
Some people will believe anything......... if you whisper it
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
Love thy neighbour, but make sure her husband is away first!
The difference between ideas and results is a good manager
We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
Say nothing & they think your stupid..talk & they know for sure
Why does the line you are not in always move much faster?
Call out the vice squad!  Someone's mounting a disk drive!
Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
Any bank will give you a loan as soon as you prove you don't need it
Three can keep a secret, .........if two are dead and one is dumb
Wisdom is knowing what to do .......with what you already know
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?  It's quite uncanny.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
When it comes to giving, most people will stop at nothing
When talking nonsense ............try not to be too serious
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Donate your old unwanted computer items to the NOECC Coffee Auction!
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is often an orphan
To error is human, to blame it on someone else is more human
When all is said and done .....usually more will be said then done
Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best
The greatest programming - doing what they said couldn't be done
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Asked "Who is the rich man?" Epicetitus replied "He who is content."
Alan Luck's Axiom: When all else fails, read the documentation!
Quien mucho abarca poco aprieta. (Grab much, gain little.)
There's little worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.
When in darkness or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout.
Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
Always draw your curves then plot the readings.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
I ain`t broke, but I`m badly bent.
Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Thoreau says...Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
Voltaire says...Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
You can tune a piano, but you can`t tuna fish.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
Gravity doesn`t exist: the earth sucks.
Ahhhhhhhh,                     I forget what I was going to say.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
Women....You can't live WITH them, and you can't live WITH them.
Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
It works better if you plug it in.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.
Pros are those who do their jobs well even when they don`t feel like it
When your work speaks for itself, don`t interrupt.
Don`t force it, get a larger hammer.
When in doubt, down a few.
There's only one thing worse than Monday: TUESDAY.
There's only one thing worse than Tuesday: WEDNESDAY.
There's only one thing worse than Wednesday: THURSDAY.
Before making a backup copy, be sure to first destroy the originals.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Beware of Quantum ducks (Quark!Quark!Quark!)
Blessed are the inept for they will inherit the skies.
Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier
Born again virgin
Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.
Computers were invented by Murphy.
Conform, go crazy, or become an artist
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A desk is a wastebasket with drawers
Don't ask me-I just work here
Don't ask me--I'm making this up as I go along
Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep until noon
Do unto others before they do unto you
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
Exceptions rule.
A fool and his guilt are soon parted.
God is real unless declared integer.
Grab them by the balls--the hearts and minds will follow.
Graduate of the Han Solo school of asteroid belt navigation.
Hell hath no fury like an unjustified assumption.
He who turns and runs away gets shot in the back.
I am not an alcoholic, I simply enjoy living in a liquid medium.
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving again.
Ideas "off the top of the head" are like dandruff--small and flaky
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on disk somewhere
I may be a craven little coward, but i'm a GREEDY craven little coward.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I think, therefore I am, I think?!
If God thought that nudity was O.K., we would have been born naked.
If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
I'm a hacker--I don't know the meaning of sleep.
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished.
Immoral Majority Charter Member.
Indecision is the basis of flexibility.
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
It's not a dungeon--it's a fortified underground defense installation.
It's what you can't see that can kill you.
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
The less you bother me, the sooner you'll get results.
Let's split up.  We can do more damage that way.
Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is out of town.
Machines should work.  People should think.
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
Moderation is for monks.
The moral majority is neither.
Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.
Never let your studies interfere with your education.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.
Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.
Old mercenaries never die.  They just go to hell and regroup.
Possessor of a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained.
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on the earth.
Reality is a hypothesis.
Sin now -- Pray Later!
Smile--It makes people wonder what you're thinking.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.
There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.
There is no point in worrying about apathy when you can't care less.
Two's company, three's the result.
Unicorns aren't mythical--virgins are!!
Virginity can be cured.
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword.
What this world needs is a damn good plague.
When all else fails, read the instructions!
When the going gets wierd, the weird turn pro.
Who is more foolish, the fool, or he who follows the fool?
Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
You know better than to trust a strange computer.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Death to the fascist insects who suck the blood of the people!
When your conscious becomes unconscious, you are drunk.
When your unconscious becomes conscious, you are stoned.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
The plural of spouse is spice.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
A person forgives only when she is in the wrong.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out if it alive.
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Lisp:  To call a spade a thpade.
Nothing succeeds like -- failure.
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Women were born to lie, and men to believe them.
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
Is this a book you would ever wish your wife or your servants to read?

